Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The struggles of a small town man whore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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