I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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