he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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