he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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