you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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