Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
