I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
