You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
