im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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