the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize