How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
