I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
is that a dick in a sweater?
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