mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
