Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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