I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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