3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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