Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
