I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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