I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize