I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
