don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
