I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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