my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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