Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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