He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
