One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
