I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
