There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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