I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
