How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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