Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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