sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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