So drunk its hurt
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
