Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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