just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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