I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
