Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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