I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
