I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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