I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
