She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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