so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.