i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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