I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize