Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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