home. puking in laundry basket.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
