He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
foreskin is a definite game changer
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
