Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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