I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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