dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
