Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
