fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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