you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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