Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
