How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you traded sex for a burrito?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
