Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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