its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
