That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
