i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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