Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
