It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
